a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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