This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
