i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
