Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
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