yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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