I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
