So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
