Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
