i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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