now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
