It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
