I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
