OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
a search helicopter?!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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