Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
