i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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