My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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