You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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