in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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