dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
