Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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