shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
being pregnant is like rehab
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
