so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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