Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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