well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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