I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
