her facebook's as public as her vagina
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
