My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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