I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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