awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
MIDGETS
????
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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