Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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