Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
