omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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