Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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