He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
