Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
