How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
