He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
