Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
