But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
