Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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