I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
