i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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