I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
