Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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