Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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