he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
