one two three fourrrrnication!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
