seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
