I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
