Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize