I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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