when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
