I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
