Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
