She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
