I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
this boner is exhausting
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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