im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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