So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
