Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
This house was built for laser tag.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
