There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
