I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
