Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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