I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
