When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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