I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
