maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
