I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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