so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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