No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
if only i could text you this smell
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
