im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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