I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
