Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
